I can’t count the number of times that I’ve heard people whine about wanting to be in a relationship.
They want someone to love them.
They want someone to be loyal to them.
They put the damn cart before the horse in focusing on how someone else feels about them and if the relationship is good with them.
Newsflash: Your focus should first be in having a great relationship with the following 3 people:
1. Your Current Self
What is the quality of your self-talk? Do you talk down to yourself? Do you hate yourself? Do you not properly care for yourself? Having a great relationship with yourself means that you believe in yourself, speak highly and confidently about yourself and treasure your place in the world.
It’s okay to have bad days. It’s okay to not always believe in yourself. But your overriding attitude should be one of positive thoughts and actions on your own behalf.
You also should gain awareness of your self-worth, which is different from self-esteem.
Your self-worth is the sum total of all of the positive stuff that you stand for and the people that you inspire or motivate. Whenever you make someone laugh, smile or learn, that’s your self-worth too. The folks that love and care about you are a part of that.
And if you are in a tough situation right now, your great relationship with your current self will provide understanding that this is just a temporary setback.
2. Your Past Self
We all have a past. Much of it might be terrible or even criminal. In order for you to have a great relationship with your past self, you will have to come to grips with those previous versions of yourself and admit that you were different then.
There’s no sense in beating yourself up for things that a previous version of you did, particularly if you have grown since then. As an example, I was a jerk more often than not when I was engaged to the mother of my youngest child.
I would openly flirt with women in her presence and I would always justify it by saying that it was harmless. I also mentioned the fact that I was doing it in front of her made it innocent. What I didn’t consider was how it made her feel in those moments, which was never good.
Looking back on that, I now recognize the selfishness inside me then. I am a lot more sensitive to many of my past mistakes and would do things differently now.
That growth is so important towards building a great relationship with your past self. You’re basically saying that you don’t justify any of your past awful ways, but that version of you was and continues to be a huge teacher in making you a better person now.
In that sense, you have a significant amount of respect for your past self.
3. Your God
I believe in God because my grandmother instilled that in me as a young child. I have seen no evidence to contradict her teachings about Him. If you don’t believe in God, you might believe in some sort of higher power. Either way, your relationship with them should be great.
That means to talk with Him daily. Pray. Ask for forgiveness, help, love, protection and anything else you might be seeking. My God is always there for me, especially through the toughest times.
He is my advocate. My advantage in the world.
I don’t believe that going to church is necessarily a must to showcase your belief and love of God. But I do believe that prayer, faith and honesty with God is. I am far from perfect in my relationship with Him, but I relish the room for growth.
God gets me through all of my troubling times.
Before you stress about being in a good or great relationship with someone else, make sure that you get these 3 relationships in a great place first! If you do, it will make everything fall into place.
That’s my guarantee to myself, and I hope you gain a benefit from it too!